The Great Sock Escape
Holy Hank, as he was affectionately called, lay in the sock drawer next to his mate, Ankle Annie, musing with her how he intended to escape from this prison of a drawer and his dislike of his owner with the stinky feet and gouging toenail.
Hank said, “if he tears my toe with that toenail one more time, I’m gone.” Annie tried to comfort him with a “now, now Hank, remember when you get angry your stretch pressure rises.” Hank then describes to Annie the various ways other socks had escaped.
Hank saw the number of unmated socks rising and knew there must be a way out. “Annie,” he said, “I heard that Nicky, the nylon sock, used the dryer method to leave.” “What is the dryer method?” asked Annie. “You know,” says Hank, “You get yourself full of static, then hang on the top of the dryer near the front and they can’t see you when unloading or you can hide in a shirt or underwear and when they take it out, you fall out somewhere else.”
Annie saw Frederick, the thigh high dress sock in their corner of the sock drawer and asked him if he had talked with Hank lately. She wondered if Hank was spreading it around that he wanted to escape. Frederick said, “No, but I have seen a few unmated socks and asked them where their mates were, but no one was talking about it.” Annie was worried that Hank would escape and leave her mateless and useless.
Meanwhile, Hank was growing more and more restless, after his owner wore him and his toenail was steadily enlarging the small hole in Hank’s toe. After his owner tossed him in the dirty clothes hamper, Hank planned the escape for the next laundry day.
The next day was laundry day and into the washer he went with Annie. Hank liked the feel of the warm soapy water, as it rinsed all the stink from his owner’s feet out of him. He also liked the spin cycle because it felt good pressed against the side of the drum as it spun faster and faster with water tickling him, as it flowed out through his threads. Whee, round and round it went and he felt all clean. And, then into the dryer, but Hank disliked the high heat. However, the static made him feel electric with energy, so that he became glued to the front part of the drum and when it stopped with him on the top side near the dryer door, he knew he had a chance to be overlooked by his owner. Sure enough, the owner pulled out a tangle of clothes but he missed Hank, who was hanging on for dear life, full of static, at the top front of the drum.
Hank stayed in the dryer until the next day, when someone dumped a load of wet jeans into the dryer and Hank hung in there with the jeans until they dried. When the owner took the jeans out of the dryer, Hank was hiding inside one of the pant legs and then as they were being moved to the folding table, Hank who was rolled up into a ball, dropped off onto the floor and rolled under the table. At last, thought Hank, I’m out, I’m free! But then Bowzer, the dog, saw Hank and proceeded to put him in his mouth and headed for the doggy door to the outside. What a break, thought Hank, “I’m going to make it away from here.” The dog finally dropped him by a large oak tree in the backyard. As he hit the ground, slightly damp with dog drool, he rolled under some fallen leaves below the tree. “Now what,” thought Hank.
Later that day, the family cat found Hank under the leaves and began to play with him, batting him around like a ball, until Hank unrolled and the cat lost interest. About that time, a large bird who was building a nest, grabbed Hank with her claws and flew him up into the tree where he was to become part of the nest. However, when the bird dropped Hank on a limb high up in the tree, the breeze swept him away and he fell to a lower branch. A squirrel liked what he saw and decided to take Hank to his tree hole for a bed. When the squirrel was jumping with Hank from tree to tree into the neighbors yard, the squirrel accidently dropped Hank to the ground. About that time, the neighbor’s dog saw Hank laying there and took him inside the neighbor’s house dropping him on the floor.
Eventually, the young girl who lived there found Hank on the floor and took him to her mother. The mother asked where she found the sock and the girl told her she found it in the hall. The mother then asked the father if this was one of his socks but the father said “no.” The mother then put Hank in the rag bin in the laundry room. And that’s where Hank found his new life. He became a shoe shining sock. Hank loved it, as he got a wonderful massage rub every couple of weeks, when someone would polish their shoes with him. He loved the smell of shoe polish and the gentle stretching and rubbing against the leather as he made the shoe shine like a mirror.
And, that’s how Hank escaped from his sad life to a happy new life next door. Are you missing any socks? Check with your neighbors. Who knows?
[An endnote to those who worried about what happened to Ankle Annie, after Hank left and she became unmated. Well, the mother of the house liked Annie’s color and design, so she made Annie into a sock puppet for the five year old girl in the home. The little girl kept her in a special drawer just for her other sock puppets. Also, Annie and a sock puppet, who looked like a funny clown, had great times together on the girl’s hands entertaining the cat and her dolls.]
